WTF?
by sMiLiNg-FaCeS-59
Summary: Bella is kidnapped, but by the last person anyone would suspect, considering he's thought to be dead. I suck at summaries Rated M for language and because im not sure what may happen! ENJOY!
1. Chapter 1

**PLEASE READ AND REVEIW**

6:00

beep! Beep! BEEP! *snooze*

6:05

beep! Beep! BEEP! *snooze*

6:10

beep! Beep! BEEP! *snooze*

I hate worst part- my room mate -Mary Alice cullen.  
"Get UP!" she yelled.  
we really have to do this NOW,it's freakin saturday!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!  
It's getting LOUDER! Good Lord she's holding it in my ear.I have dealt with alot but she's gone a tad bit far.

"Mary Alice, I swear if you do not get out of my room right now i will shove that damn alarm clock down your throat."  
I sat up and glared at her, she glared back. I won the stare-down, but as she walked away i heard her mutter under her breath,  
"I do not need this i have much better things to do."

"Huh?"  
"What?"

"What?"  
"Huh?"  
"Y-you know what just nevermind, get out." She walked away painfully slow,obviously messing with me.  
"Wait I have a question," She said quickly turning back around grinning like a cheshire."What?" I asked a little apprehensive.  
"How did your date with Mikey go? I mean there must be some reason you're so tired." Luckily for her, she was able to escape before the pillow completely made contact with that porcupine haircut she insisted on maintaining.

Just a few months ago she had hair past her shoulder blades, and would physically flinch at any hairstyle that took more than an inch at a time.

**1 Hour Later...**

It's been 30 minutes of getting ready, 30 minutes of riding in a car on a road that seems to go on forever, and a hyper-as-hell Alice bouncing like an enegizer bunny on crack - Which i highly suspect her of using- sitting in the driver seat.  
And if she didn't use then some body must be slipping something in her coffee every morning. Which she definately does **NOT** need.

Plus the only reason she started going to that coffee shop around the corner was because some guy she'd been stalking got a job there.  
And out of curtesy i will edit my thoughts because she's -And i quote- 'Not stalking just blessing with her presence...secretly.' I swear,whatever she's on, I definately want some.

"We're Here !" She yells. Fucking crack bunny...

"And might i ask where the hell HERE is?"  
"My House silly!" she made the duh gesture as if it was obvious.  
"What house crazy!" I said mimicking her tone of voice."We're in the middle of fucking knowhere you ditz!"

"Will you stop being such a bitch and look around for a second!"She yelled."God it's it's like im friends with a two-year-old" That is fucking it!No mas! I tackled her and I swear I was really SEEING red...Wait...oh god! the girl rapped around my head!  
She's trying to fucking smother me to death!

"Get the hell off me you crazy pixie!" My screams muffled in her scarlet shirt.

"Hell no! You calm the fuck down first!"

"Mary Alice Cullen! You get off that poor girl right now" Wait who the hell is that! My mind is not prepared for these suprise appearances.  
Apparently alice was just as suprised because she just let me go and fell flat on her ass without thinking twice about it.

"Sorry Mom."  
MOM! why is her mother in the middle of no- oh dear..  
Off in the distance i saw the large structure.  
"There's that house you were talking about..." I trailed off when i saw the actual extent of her anger.

Not only had she "falsely" been acused of being crazy and/or phsycotic for about the hundreth time, for something that wasn't even her fault (fault being my own stubborness and stupidity) she been caught by her MOTHER fighting off her attacker (me).  
But really she just looked like she was suffocating a innocent girl (...supposedly me...i mean seriously?) in her moms point of view.

But that is beside the point.I've never met her family.

"Hi im bella swa-holy shit!" woops i really need to control my outbursts...can therapy help that? I was already planning on going anyway so i might as well kill two birds with one stone.  
"oh my gosh im so sorry you just took me by suprise." I apoligized sheepishly looking up at her.

"It's okay dear here let me help you i wouldn't want you to get all dirty." WOW she's NOTHING like Alice!  
She fucking AWESOME!  
"that's so nice thank you"  
can you be my new mommy?

"Not that i wouldn't love having you as a daughter but im not sure your actual mother would appreciate that.'' she said. Aw she's even sweet turning me down and ...wait...  
did I say that out loud!?

"Yes sweetheart you did."

I REALLY need to work on my mental filter

"I really wish you would,My mom doesn't need to hear all of your damn profanities!" Alice said annoyed.

"Alice!" Esme scolded.

"You let her do it!"She wined.

"She's our guest now get in the house there's about to be a storm."Esme told her."Bella come along."

"okay!" this has to be the highlight of the day 'Gather 'round all people, Alice the beast has been tamed!'

By now we'd already reached the porch and opened the door,me stealing glances and smirking at alice just to tease her for the little while i have before we're alone again.

As her mom had plans that evening with Alices father, she told me she would give me the grand tour sometime later, then she was off to the hospital to pick up . Did i mention Alices dad was a doctor, thatd probably explain the playboy style mansion i currently stood in.

I caught sight of a state-of-the-art kitchen and living room decked with muted tones, as Ali led me up to her room.  
I was nearly blinded when she opened the double doors. Pink.._Every where._

"Hey Al, who's this?" I asked spotting a frame by her bed of a guy with green eyes and wierd bronze hair.  
"That's my brother Edward he used to live here but one day he was just gone. Everyone is convinced he's dead, but not me. He probably ran away or something, he could be such inconsiderate dick sometimes, i swear.." She smiled softly a weird look in her eyes.  
"what were we talking about?"

"Uhm nothing Al you mind if i just go get some air or something i wont be long"I asked, assuming she could use some time alone.  
"Sure" she said a little distractedly.

#####

As soon as i was deep enough into to the woods i lit up.I told alice I'd quit smoking she said it was a such terible habit. Unable to handle her nagging I went cold turkey for like a day or two. I was crazy by the first 38 hours I was just like , 'fuck it'.

"That's a terribly bad habbit." Who ever that was scared the shit out of me,making me drop my cig,and bump into something cold and hard.  
"Hello there,Edward Cullen, whats your name?" suddenly I was on fire making me scream bloody murder and mumble an 'Oh shit' on my way falling towards the cold wet leaves at my feet.  
hearing some say faintly "Sounds familiar"

Whoever you are when this blinding pain is done with and im concious again you are sooo get your ass kicked.

*** **After not having touched this tory or my account in what's probably been years i've decided to re-write it because the amount of blinding grammer and spelling errors and chunks of actual sentences missing, made me want to slap my previous self. ( if that makes sense)  
Im re-doing all 3 chapters i already posted and hopefully make some new editions :)**

**Pictures of characters and Settings for this story can be found on my profile so check it out if you'd like visuals! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**THE CHAPTERS PROBABLY WONT BE TOO LONG BUT I WILL TRY TO GET OVER AT LEAST 300 WORDS ! ... WHICH IS KINDA SAD ... BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY !**

#######

It could have been minutes, hours, days maybe, I wasn't sure, as the pain clouded my mind and thought process overall untill close to the end when it finally hit me.

The person who had caused all of this told me that their name was "Edward Cullen" but that wasn't possible.  
Alice clearly said that he went missing a long time ago so why would he be in the woods of his own home and not tell anyone? None of it makes any sense.

And even if it was him how could he cause me so much physical pain having barely even touched me. It felt as if I had been drenched in gasoline and thrown into a fireplace.

Apparently I've have been burnt to a crisp and am about to die, so i should get my final goodbyes and apologies out of the way so i have a slim chance at making it into heaven.

Alice you crazy ass bitch I will actually miss you. I am sorry and will admit it was me who stole your blouse,and your fluffy down pillow, and those 100 dollar platinum earings with the spiral design,also those CD's I ne- you know what? Im just plain sorry about everything, because this can go on forever.

Tim from the drug store, sorry about leading you on, and lying about my age, and making you think that we have a date this friday night that I KNOW I will definately NOT be attending now,yeah, and sorry about stealing those chips from your store when I had the munchies.  
Damn those were good.

Every Body I've ever known I am sorry for my unecessary and completely tear inducing potty mouth.

I probably won't have enough time to fess up to _**every**_thing i'd ever done so i might as well have a moment of silence for myself.

"Where the hell did she go!" a voice! That rat bastard! this was all his fault.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************  
The pain was instantly gone, after doing a quite a number on my pulse quickening and then sputtering to a stop filling the air around me with silence.

Okay I have to be dead.  
"Did you hear that?"A voice spoke.  
Okay apparently NOT.

My eyes started to flutter open on their own a light practically blinding me to death.

Too late i sniggered mentally.

What i saw instantly made my mind go blank.

Him

Edward Cullen, Alice's lost brother

"Your supposed to be lost!y-y-you can't be here!" I said springing off of the metal surface i had been laying on, and backing away from him frantically only to find myself backed against another hard body.

I turned and came face to face with what i can only describe as the human equivalent of sasquatch.

"I seem to know exactly where I am. Do I look lost emmett?" Edward said teasingly, never breaking eye contact.

"As far as i'm concerned dude your as here as you'll ever be, unlike this young lady here and that disappearing act she pulled earlier." sasquatch guy said, with a smile that made me worry his face would split.

"What are you-" I got cut off when the door to the room suddenly burst open.

"WHAT the HELL man! I told you not to do it but you did it anyway!"Some angry blonde dude yelled.

"Oh **come** the **fuck** on! Who is **this** guy!?" I shouted suprising my self with my own outburst."I mean seriously! Are there anymore of you people around? Because this is really frustrating me that i can't even finish a fucking sentence without one of you popping out like newborn guppies! So let me finish up real quick, im sure im about to be interrupted right now and let me say that i will kick who evers ass interrupts me next." Pause... they're looking at me like im crazy but at least i haven't been interrupted.  
"Anyway as i was saying before - " BAM! The door slammed open.  
"What happened ! Did she wake up yet!"

"Motherfucking _son of a bitch_! Did we not JUST GO OVER THIS!" I screamed looking towards the others for were huddled together in the corner nodding vigorously.

I then turned to the person who had started all this tall blonde bitch.

"Now, before i take you down, who the hell are you?" I asked,my anger prominent in my voice.

"I'm Rosalie fucking Hale and i wish you would try bitch." She smirked. I guess im your fairy-fucking-godparent then Miss Hale. Bitch was gonna get it and she was gonna get it good.

I ran so fast across the room i swear it was all a blur.  
That was the day Rosalie Hale Died ..

**I FIGURED THIS WAS AN OKAY PLACE TO LEAVE OFF, DONT YOU THINK? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**ALICE DOES HAVE A CRUSH ON JASPER AND HE DOES HAVE A JOB AT THE COFFEE SHOP!****  
PETER IS THE BLOND GUY WHO BURST INTO THE ROOM! NOT JASPER!****  
BECAUSE JASPER WORKS AT THE COFFEE SHOP!****  
THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY AND I HOPE WHO EVER ACTUALLY READS THIS ENJOYS IT!**

_PREVIOUSLY:  
_  
I heard wolf whistling, probably from Emmett, and somebody shouting "Cat fight!"  
again, probably Emmett. I couldn't completely blame him though. I mean,seriously im straight and i know that if two hot girls just started attacking eachother in front of me even I'd be a little turned on, but that was beside the point  
(beside besides?)  
We were moving so fast that I'm sure if a someone walked by all they would see is a blur of colors.  
_**RRIIPPP!  
** _Everyone paused right along with me when the sound of fabric ripping filled the air. I looked at Rosalie who was staring intently at her own hand i followed her gaze, a little confused at the strip of blue fabric that resembled my new silk blouse i bought Friday but- Oh My Gosh.

All i could heard were multiple "Holy shit!"s

And that was the day that Rosalie hale died...

Sike! No but seriously i was pissed.

"That thing cost 105 dollars! I can not believe you just ripped it like that!"

She just burst out laughing  
The Fuck?  
Is she laughing at me? "Are you laughing at me?" A look of disbelief, annoyance, and anger most likely displayed on my face at the moment.

"Im ...really...very sorry for...ripping your shirt." she said between bouts of her tinkling giggles. "It was really nice.I could buy you a new one if you want?"

"That would be great." I replied.

"And I hope you know you have my complete many people would have stood up to me like that."

"Oh thanks!" I said catching her off gaurd with a hug.

"KISS! KISS! KISS!" The guys chanted.

"Shut Up You Dumb Asses!" We yelled simultaneously. I went back to the metal seuface i had awoken on and quickly went into question mode.

"Can you guys please explain? Who are you? What am i doing here? What are you because you sure as hell are not human? Why does my throat hurt? And why does the blonde guy keep staring at me its getting really creepy?"I asked all in one breath.

Blondy took it upon himself to answer the question "My name is Peter the big one is Emmett the girl wrapped around him is Rosalie and the gay looking one is Edward."

"Hey!"

"Any way as i was saying we are vampires, you are too now. Your throat is hurting because you have to hunt. And i really wish women would stop saying that i creep them out when i stare. I mean honestly they should be grateful that such a good looking guy like me is even paying them any mind and..." He just kept on ranting about how "good looking" he is.

Bored of that doofus I turned to emmett only to find that his mouth was otherwise occupied with Rosalies' at that moment in time.

_'Hm they make a cute couple'_ i thought.

Unfortunately the only left was 'The Gay One' Edward. Also known as -Reason-I'm-In-This-Shitty-Situation-At-All.

"So since half the room is mentally challenged, would you mind filling in the blanks as to what the hell happened exactly like the whats, whens, and wheres of the situation?" I asked him.

"As you know we are vampires as you are. We do not burn in the sun, but we do sparkle. We dont sleep in coffins,well we dont sleep at all. Peter is just self centered and somewhat mentally challenged, Emmett & Rose are REALLY horny ALL the time. Some of us have special abilities,but i'll explain that later. I think thats all you really need to know right now, so i should take you out to hunt,I'm sure that burn in your throat is getting quite uncomfortable."

_It is now_ i thought rubbing my neck as if to extinguish the flames.  
He started towards the door and I followed without hesitance.

Once the door to the room was closed,and I took in the appearence of the hall outside of the room I was really suprised.  
The hall was painted a blue-ish color with light tan wooden flooring arranged in square patterns,random pictures lined the wall some were of the 4 of them some were just pictures of the horizon. Ir was very different from the room we'd only left moments ago.  
The hall was light and a little more lively,where as the room was poorly lit, had only 4 walls all of them painted black along with the cieling, and the floor was a deep chocolatey brown with the metal tabel/bed in the center of the room.

"Whats wrong?" Edward asked probably curious about the look of suprise on my face.

"What? Oh nothing i was just thinking about how different the outside of the room was." i replied.

"You thought we would actually keep the whole house like that? it would really put a damper on our good moods. We do have some taste." He said in mock hurt.

"Sure Sure whatever, any way, what were you talking about before when you said hunting?" I asked

"Oh that. Well in order for us to live we still have to drink blood."

"BLOOD! Wait you mean, like, from humans!?" I exclaimed.

"NO no my family and I, we drink from animals that is why our eyes are golden. Human drinking vampires have crimson eyes, you do too right now but it will slowly fade into gold after a while of maintaining our diet." He explained, somewhat taking the edge off.

"Good because i dont want to drink from humans it just seems wrong to me,you know, taking lives." I said seriously.

"Yeah that's exactly the reason we decided against it." He said, a small smile on his face.

By then we already down on the first floor and he opened the door leading me down the porch. It didn't take long for us to reach the middle of the woods what with my newly acquired strength and speed. We stop underneath a large old tree whose roots potruded through the earth.

"Now, let the hunt begin." Edward spoke.

**I SUCK AT SPELLING REALLY BIG WORDS SO IF THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG JUST IGNORE IT ALSO**

**I WOULD HAVE GONE FURTHER BUT I JUST HIT MY INVISIBLE WALL AND I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE AN OKAY PLACE TO STOP.  
****  
FEEL FREE TO REVIEW! :)  
**


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